Just for you Becka...

The Christmas Tree.

It was a cold and snowy night ...

What??

Oh, you mean THAT Christmas tree story!

I was a Freshman at Carleton University, trying to find my niche. I never actually had a niche before so I figured I had better dig a hole and bury my antisocial, detached personality, at least for the next 5 years .

I met a group of women ( who would later completely fuck me over, but thats another story)
that befriended me almost immediately. They were a strong, loud, proactive femenist group and I thought what the hell. I hate people and they hate people and so I measured an approximate 50% success in compatability. One Friday afternoon, we were a bored group looking for trouble. Someone mentioned a contest in which we would walk into a certain department store ( lets call it Zellers) and steal the largst item we could . The loser had to fork over $10 to the pot which would purchase beer for the winner to take to an upcoming Party at the University.

* Note to reader. We were a socially conscience group and actually intended to donate our "stolen" goods to charity.

I was third in. I was pumped. When I go , I go big.

Girl number one comes out with a huge box of pots and pans. Impressive!

Girl number two emerges with a large suitcase on wheels. Wow! Everyone was certain the crown would be hers.

I walked into Zellers, scanned the store quickly...and there she was...whispering my name
Her shimmer resonated through the store
Her stature enormous and inpenetrable
I had to possess her
Own her
Defeat her.

She was a 6 foot artifical , partially decorated Christmas tree.

I circled her hungrily, checked for wires plugged in ( there were none) Threw her over my shoulder and walked out.

I know what you're thinking

They didn't stop me at first. How would even think of stealing a 6 foot tree. They couldn't even entertain the idea, so they smiles, wished me Merry Christmas and I walked to the door.

I almost made it. I was sooo close. Then I saw the girls, hidden behind a pillar in the mall, laughing and pointing. I held it in as long as I could and then I lost it. I started laughing uncontrolably, the christmas tree flug over my shoulder starts shaking, I'm drawing alot of attention and I just can't stop laughing. I'm paralysed. I can't keep walking. I'm standing there, not 10 feet from the exit and I'm just laughing with tears running down my cheek. Finally I make my way to the door and then...

He taps me on the shoulder, I turn around. It's some kid that looks no more than 16 in a security suit. I'm tempted to laugh even more but there is a tiny spot in my brain that registers that this may not be so funny anymore.

To make a long store short because I have a hockey game to be at at, I was formally charged, I had to get a lawyer, I had to go to court, I was found guilty of theft, I was given a 1 year conditional discharge which wasn't supposed to show up on my record but it did and 5 years later I had to get a legal Pardon in order to obtain my security clearance for work.


I digress a moment. Those girls would later turn their backs on me when I got pregnant with Jesse and made the decison to leave school awhile to play mommy. They decided that was degrading to me and I was giving up my power even if it was I who made that choice. I felt that THEY degraded me for not accepting a choice that was 100% my own. Almost as though a womans choice wasn't valid and must have been somehow influanced by a man.

Love you Becka. Dinner and Shopping before the 14th is an absolute. I didn't finish everything in NY

Tuesday Confession

When I was 16, I worked at a popular clothing store which shall remain nameless. I was hired for the Christmas rush so guarenteed 6 weeks of work. I lasted 2 weeks...max. I got fired because I told a lady she looked fat in a pair of pants she had tried on. Ok, not in so many words, but I was honest. She was a heavy set woman trying on skin tight faux riding pants ( remember that style?) Her love handles were a plenty and I could not let this poor woman purchase these pants. She came out and asked me what I thought. I frowned and told her they were not flattering on her at all and might I suggest something else. The manager heard this and at the end of my shift fired me on the spot. Yeah, whatever. I wasn't exactly heartbroken. I was going to stab someone very soon anyway if I heard ' Walking in a Winter Wonderland" over the mall PA one more time! I had made my Christmas money in those two weeks plus there was the fringe benefit of working in a clothing store which leads me to todays confession. I worked for two weeks, 5 days a week part time at night. I stole one complete outfit per shift, so over a span of 2 weeks, that was 10 outfits. The old check your purse before you leave for your break routine is a joke. Who needs to stuff your purse when you can use the bathroom and put on an entire outfit under your clothes ? Wow, I was a bad girl even back then.

Let it Snow!

The snow! Its gorgeous! I had to take a minute break from work and share my excitement. We leave in 3 weeks for Punta Cana! I'm SO excited. Not so much for me, but for the girls. It's going to blow their mind. I took off the Friday before. We plan on going snowboarding the day before we leave. I loved the idea of such contrast....snowboard to surfboard in a day. Judging by the snow falling it may just happen too! I also bought our Christmas tree . I promise to take a picture of this amazing tree. It's about 8 inches tall and a perfect replica of a full sized pine. We have a tiny string of lights , tinsel and I asked the girls to make a mini star for the top . I'm packing a few ornaments I made for them over the years too plus we can't forget their Senators stockings. I even bought a patch of 'snow' to put down on the sand. Thats my vision; Christmas morning on the beach opening presents 'under' hahaha our Christmas tree. I'm hoping to find a decent video camera in New York when I go shopping this week. Digital pics will be nice but I'd love a video camera too. Alright, I have to stop grinning and get back to work. I wanted to share whats making me smile today . Tuesday confession is coming up later today

Cheer! Drive safe... kiss someone in the snow today

Look Carefully..The septum piercing

This is what teen rebellion looks like. Before... and after. I was proud of myself . I didn't even react. She was thoroughly disapointed. In Pinocchios own words " There ain't no strings on Me!"

Confession Tuesday

I was at the office today so I'm delayed in writing this but I didn't forget. Without further ado; todays confession...

I have a recurring fantasy that I'm ready to share. Relax Pervs. No one said sex fantasy did they?

It's open mic night at the local live music club. I call all my friends and tell them to meet me at this club, knowing full well they're in for a surprise, but not telling them what they are about to see. It's a dark, smoky kind of club, a lizzard lounge for rock and roll. The lights go dim, my name is announced in a plume of machine smoke, there I am. I belt out a few rock tunes , fingers bleed the guitar and my friends are sitting at the table, stunned. Holy shit. She can sing. She's a rock star and no one knew it! I typically indulge this fantasy in my kitchen, wooden spoon in hand, standing on the kitchen table and looking at my reflection in the window.

One more tidbit...

When I'm feeling blue, I go in search of fruit loops cereal. Fruit Loops is like Prozac for me. The Tucan Sam and his colored O's bring me to my happy place.

Taken This morning..New Hair.. New Coat.. You like?

The Ring

I cried on Sunday night. I never cry.

Rewind to last May. After my Grandmother passed away my mother and I spent a few days in Montreal packing up Grandma's stuff. Room by room we went through everything, taking what we wanted , packing the rest for good will. When we got to Grandma's jewelry box I felt a surge of anger inside as I knew what remained would be mere costume jewelry. Mom had already been there the week prior and cleaned out my Grandmothers more expensive jewelry. It was her right. The will stated the house contents belonged to her. As I looked inside the box, something made me catch my breath. Immediately I knew what it was. It was my Grandfathers wedding ring. I reached for it.. wanting to touch it.. be near him...and she just snatched it. I asked her for it and she refused. Again, it was her right. I was very bitter.

Last week, she calls me quite a few times saying we have to get together; alone. She has something for me. She says it's very important. So finally, by the 3rd call, I agree to meet her for dinner. That Thai place I love. I don't know for certain what it is she wants to give me but my heart does a little backflip when I think of the possibility... however remote.. that she might give me the ring back. Imposible!





As we're waiting on our food she hands me a box, holds my hand and says. " This belongs to you. It was yours to begin with. I know that but I had to work through something first before I realized that."





I open the box and there it is; shining under the twinkle of light .. his tarnished gold wedding band. I felt dizzy with happiness but before I could say a word.. my mother says.."look inside the band, read it". I read it.. my eyes squinting to read the small script. What I read made my heart just explode. I was so gratuitous ..to be able to feel such intense emotion. Let me paint a quick picture. I have reels and reels of old 8 mm film of me singing as a child. Almost always with my grandfather singing along beside me or to me. We loved to sing. Our favourite song was "Don't sit under the apple tree" He sang this song to me every day I was with him. Here is the song for anyone who doesn't know it by heart:





Don't sit under the apple tree, with anyone else but me
anybody else but me
no no no
don't sit under the apple tree, with anyone else but me
till I come marching home - insert straight leg marching movements-



My mother had the following words engraved on the inner band of the ring



" I'll always be waiting for you..under the apple tree"



I can't begin to describe what I felt inside. I couldn't do it justice.





Thank you Mom. Thank you for putting me first this time. Thank you for the gift of memory





I miss him so very much.

Epilogue.

I had to ask her. Why? Why did she do this. Why did she take it in the first place?She told me that she had to come to terms with something first and what she came to terms with was that he loved me more than he loved her.

Here is the ring


Authors note * This had NO editing or rewrites. I just reached in, cut and let it gush.

It's Tuesday Confession!

Before I begin, let me briefly address the delicate issue of self censor. Fuck it. I'm not doing it anymore

Alright, lets move on.

In honor of my proclaimation, I think I'll be extra salacious today

1. I run on a treadmill everyday. 50 minutes. 50 minutes is a long time to stare at a wall while
your legs are pumping and your heart is racing. Whats a girl to do? I close my eyes when I run
and I think about sex. ALOT.

2. I have a friend at work. While a bit annoying at times with her constant trite chatter, we get along fine. Enjoy lunch at the local deli on occasion; play volleyball together... Its all good, except this one part. She has horrible body odor. No, like really. It's not the sweaty armpit kind either.
It's umm - leans to whisper- genital odor. Tell me please, how the hell do you tell someone that?
Some days its so bad I make excuses not to go to lunch. If I happen to be eating my lunch and a wind blows the wrong way, well, I'll just yak all over my suit. Not cool.

Happy Tuesday!

Please take a moment to Remember today. It matters

Serious post coming later. Stay tuned and bring the kleenex

Tuesday Confession

I now declare Tuesday's my non official confession day. Thats right. Every Tuesday Yours Truly will make not one but TWO confessions. So, without further ado, prepare to be shocked

1. I actually have a song from WHAM! on my Ipod play list . "Everything she wants" is on my cardio playlist and yes I know all the words.

2. There is a backroad near my house that has huge construction delays. They are installing water pipes underground and its a 4 month project. Everyone avoids this road lately. Everyone except me. I take this road every chance I get. For about 15 minutes I get to cruise by 15-20
construction guys in various stages of dress depending on the weather. Dirty boys with tans and muscles. -Sighs- God Bless Blue Collar workers! Keep in mind that I work with men that can identify 10 shades of brown in their tie ( thats pebble and tan and beige and sand and clay ) get manicures weekly and think everything is 'neato"