Fa La La La La

Oh Christmas...the time of year when people give of themselves, offer random acts of kindness, embrace the spirit of giving etc.

Fast forward to a conversation in the car last night between S and I on our way to do some Christmas shopping for the girls.

Me: Your bonus cheque comes next week; do you know that?

S: What bonus cheque honey?

Me: Ha Ha, very funny. The cheque you get every year on your first pay in December

S: Ohhh that bonus cheque. I forgot all about that

Me: -Laughing- Bullshit. You had hoped I would forget about it.

S: I also hope for world peace, but we know that ain't gonna happen. You know I always give you $500 towards gifts for the kids. It's the same arrangement this year.

Me: Umm, wrong. Between the cost of inflation and your cost of living increase , we need to re-negotiate.

S: Come on, I have a better idea. We've got the chalet. We promised we take this year and teach our kids the true meaning of Christmas. Shouldn't that also mean we should cut down on their presents?

Me: Ok, Mr. Star of Bethleham, and what will you do with the extra money?

S: -Sheepish Look- A snowboard ?

Me: -evil eye-

S: Ok Ok, give me a number

Me: $1200

S: What??? Too high. $600

Me: Great, they each get an extra pair of socks. Too low. $1100

S: Work with me here! $700

Me: $1000

S: $ 800 final offer

Me: $900 and you buy the family gift

S: Deal

Me: Shake on it

S: -Shakes and Laughs- and a Merry Christmas to you too sweetheart

Me: Make sure you deposit it right into my account.


Yep, I'm feeling that loving, giving, random act of kindness , spirit of giving already.

A Grown Up Q and A - Thanks Becka

1. What bill do you hate paying the most? Stinson Fuels; The mafia of heating oil
2. What’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner? Yangtzee in Chinatown
3. Last time you puked from drinking? 1997 . An Italian Wedding and I discovered Sambooka
4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar? The same night
5. Name of your 2nd grade teacher? Mrs. Humphries. She hated me
6. What do you really want to be doing right now? In a bubble bath with my new brown sugar bath bubbles
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up? An OB/GYN or Field Medic in the Military
8. Do you feel old yet? Not at all
9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now? An old Nike sweatshirt and its warm
10. GAS PRICES First thought? Wish I had a mototcycle
11. If you could be anywhere right now and take someone with you...Thailand with S
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? Its Sunday . I threw it
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night? Please puppy, don't sit on my head
14. What chore do you despise? Folding Laundry
15. If you didn’t have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery? No
16. Get up early or sleep in? Ridiculously early
17. What is your favorite cartoon character? Elmyra from Tiny Tunes
18. What makes you feel like a kid again? Swingsets barefoot. Love them
19. Be honest: Are you getting wrinkles? One, right betwen my eyes
20. Favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy? Dinner, wine, conversation
21. A secret that you wouldn’t mind everyone knowing? I look way better dressed
22. Are you planning on remaining in your current field? I sure hope so
23. If you are not married, do you see yourself married in the next five years? N/A
24. Your favorite lunch meat? Oven Roasted Turkey
25. What do you get every time you go into a WalMart? Rasors, body wash, socks
26. Beach or lake? Lake for fishing
27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died at 20? Religious marriage yes.
28. Who do you stalk on MySpace? No MySpace for me
29. Favorite guilty pleasure? The occasional slice of pizza. My biggest weakness
30. Favorite movie you wouldn’t want anyone to find out about? Shindlers List
31. What’s your drink? Right now? Coffee
32. Cowboys or Indians? Cowboys
33. Cops or Robbers? Cops. Sexy
34. Do you cheer for the bad guy? Usually
35. What Hollywood star do you think resembles you best? None I hope
36. If you had to pick one, which cast member of Lost would you be? Never watched it
37. What do you want when you are sick? Sleep and be left alone
38. Who from high school would you like to run into? Craig, Jeff
39. What was your favorite college memory? Bad bad illegal pranks -L-
40. Would you want your kids to attend the same college as you? No.
41. When did you first realize your independent adult status? 17, when I left home
42. Norm or Cliff? Neither
43. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons? Simpsons
44. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back? Telling him I was pregnant
45. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work? My Boss, and usually
46. If you could get away with it, whom would you kill? A few corrupt world leaders
47. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? Fidel Castro
48. What famous person would you like to sleep with? -whispers- Dallas Smith
49. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose? Yes
50. Last book you read for real? Training Labrador Retrievers
51. Do you have a teddy bear? Yes, he sits on my dresser
52. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth? In the car
53. Somewhere in California you’ve never been and would like to go? I've been all over California
54. Number of texts in a day? 10 maybe
55. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or relationship? Neither. I'm quite content with both
56. What have you noticed about yourself as you’ve grown older? I am very resilient
57. Pencil or pen? Pencil and NOT mechanical
58. bueller??? bueller??? bueller??? Many times
59. How many jobs have you had? As a teen, many many many. As an adult? 3
60. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Hopefully exactly where I am, only a little wiser and alot richer
61. What do you think of the person that took this survey before you? I adore her

Topping Up

Its been an eventful week; not so untypical for a month before Christmas. A small re-cap for lack of creativity.

The restaurant is on schedule to be opened next week. I'm very excited. I was there for a meeting Friday morning and it looks beautiful. I couldn't help but take off my shoes and slide down the beautifully varnished hardwood floors. I've dropped down to 3 days a week at the office until after Christmas so I can devote those 2 extra days to the restaurant.

I have three parties to attend this year. One formal, one semi-formal and one casual/formal.
That is a shoppers nightmare, or in my case pure Bliss. It meant I've had to buy three Christmas outfits and I actually had an excuse! I spent Friday afternoon at the mall. My official start to Christmas shopping, but first and formost, to buy my outfits. Damn, I'm such a girl sometimes! So far, I've purchased two.

For the formal event, I have a beautiful sleeveless little black dress. Its very plain, no detail and perfect for accessorizing. A diamond necklace ( fake of course) , earrings and a bangle polish this ensemble. Classic and Elegant.

For the semi formal event, I've chosen a silk, red halter top with, sleek black pants. A ruby choker necklace and heels finish the outfit. Sexy and sparkling

I know, I've enjoyed describing it far more than you've enjoyed reading about it. Lets move on.

The annual Christmas parade was last night. I love the parade. Its always the kick off to Christmas season. My brain gets turned on and everything I see from here on is a potential Christmas present for someone. We all met up last night, in part for the parade, in part to talk about the Chalet we rented at Christmas. Everyone is really excited. There are 11 of us in total.
All but 3 snowboard . Those being grandma, mom and the baby. The baby however is getting introduced to ski's this year. Everyone decided last night that they wanted to spend Christmas eve on the hill, boarding at night. Being the skeptic that I can be, it's gonna really suck if someone takes a spill and we spend Christmas in a hospital waiting room. Mental note;
e-mail, reminding everyone to bring wrist guards and tailbone plates.

I've started shopping. Oh what fun! I absolutely LOVE Christmas shopping! The music, the cheer, the lights, the SALES! Ironically, they just upped my credit card limit last week.
Stupid stupid people.

Thats it for now

Cheers

Christmas List

For all your faithful readers ( reads my infinate comments and laughs) My list;

Navy Blue Low Tops Converse Shoes
Armani Gio
Armani Sensei
Roxy Messenger bag
Almond Milk Bath salts and body lotion
Long Terry Robe
Gap Gift certificates


Easy huh?

Coming Home

I'm driving to Montreal tomorrow to see my Grandmother. While I visit her every second month, this particular trip is significant. My Grandmothers health has been deteriorating over the past few months and the warning signs are there telling us that soon, she will no longer be able to care for herself alone. I've been prepared for this trip for the last 7 years, since my Grandfathers death. I made him a promise before he passed away that when it was time, I would care for my Grandmother. It was a promise I made without hesitation and with complete love and respect for them both. The best memories of my childhood were times spent with them. They loved me more than anyone has ever loved me. That is an absolute. I was their world and they made sure I knew it. Its come full circle now, and for me, the final gratitude I can offer is to care for my Grandmother and ensure she dies with dignity and surrounded by the people who love her. This trip is to initiate "the talk". My grandmother is both fiercely independent and stubborn ( Surprised?) I wonder if she, herself knows its time. When she first moved to this apartment, she knew it wouldn't be long term. She wanted to hang on to her independance for as long as possible. I had such respect for that, but she also promised me that she wouldn't allow herself to be placed in danger by staying too long. I have the full support of my immediate family for which I am grateful. They know what this woman means to me and they know the promise I made my Grandfather.

Pride

According to Dictionary.com;
pride–noun
1.a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.
2.
the state or feeling of being proud.

According to Sandi;
See Photo

I don't know whats more stressful. Being the mom of a goalie or being the coach of the goalie. I am both her mom and coach and each and every game raises my blood pressure ten fold. I worry. Its so isolated in that small net, far away from team members, coaches and screaming parents in the stand. She's in a world of her own out there. I try and make eye contact every few minutes from the coaches bench, looking for a sign. Is she scared? exhilerated? frustrated? focused? I would have prefered she choose a less stressful position, perhaps a second line defensemen. Less pressure, less visability. It was never my choice. From the time she was 5 years old, she knew she wanted to be a goalie. She is strong. I always knew that but I never realized how strong she really is. When I do make eye contact, her face is serious and very focused. I catch my breath and wait...wait for that all important sign that everything is ok. And there it is. She holds her hand up and a wide grin spreads out over her beautiful face. She's telling me; Don't stress mom. I am exactly where I belong.

The Time is Near...

For my final and most symbolic tattoo.

Those who know me know how significant tattoos are in my life. I consider my body the perfect manifesto tool. The flesh is part canvass, part writing tablet which details my lifes journey. I pay homage to life lessons learned by inking them permanently on my body. Lest we forget. Each tattoo was birthed at a pivotal time in my life. In order;

Left Shoulder - Blue dolphin. It was my first. The dolphin represents strength, independence and femininity. Her nose is pointed upwards symbolizing the breath of fresh air. I had made a new start in my life, leaving a toxic relationship and flying solo.
I was thriving and this tattoo was a reminder of how far I had come

My Lower Spine - Turkish moon crescent and star. This tattoo represents my ethnic history. I chose this tattoo after making peace with the fact that I was never going to have a relationship with my Father. I had to learn that my history and my rich culture need not die simply because my childhood dreams of a loving father were released.

My belly, right side - Nazarlik, an evil eye amulet- An Arabic symbol offering protection from evil and evil intention. Its resonates through my core ( abdomen) and It was my declaration that I am strong and I can take care of myself.

Left shoulder- The Elibelinde - symbol of Motherhood- Another Arabic Symbol depicting a human Mother in her totality. Emphasis is on the hips for giving birth, the heart for abundance of love and the open arms for unconditional acceptance.

Right Lower Forearm- The Tarik - Hand and Comb Combination - A very important and strategically placed tattoo. I wanted to place this tattoo in a very visible area so I could see it every single moment that I was awake. Its a constant reminder. The Hand and Comb represents twin spirits and their offspring. It offers protection and guidance to the family unit

My final tattoo will be the Hayat Agaci; The Tree of Life. It's base will begin on my lower spine and travel upwards towards heaven, stopping between my shoulder blades. The tree of life symbolizes ascension to God through spiritual growth. It honors lessons I have learned and encourages me to continue growing spirituality to be the best person I can be. Beneath the tree will be a serpent. The serpent offers protection and stability to the tree so that furthered growth is not hindered.

I'm beginning the first phase of design tomorrow when I see the artist who has done all of my previous tattoos.

Bits and Bites

Welcome Baby Maggie,

For those who don't already visit my photo site, please welcome baby Maggie, the newest addition to our crazy household. She was born Sept 20th 2006 and is a pure black lab.

Little Miss Maggie is a complete doll. I forget sometimes that she's a puppy. She has such human characteristics. She hates being alone, gets scared when she can't see you, loves to play, loves the car and sleeps in my bed with her head on my pillow. I'm so happy she's mine.

I got some great news yesterday. I have been trying for well over 3 months to book a slope side chalet for Christmas and found out yesterday we got it! Over the years, I've felt that we have gotten away from the true meaning of Christmas. The kids get a ridiculous amount of presents, we eat too much and drink too much and then sleep all day boxing day. I wanted to get back to tradition. This year, we are at the Chalet from Dec 22nd- 27th. Its at the base of Mount St Marie so we can ski/snowboard in and out. Everyone already has snowboard gear so we're good to go. It has a fireplace and a huge kitchen for some homestyle cooking. There will be 12 of us in total plus the dogs. The days will be spent boarding, skiing, tobaggoning, snowshoeing or just simply making snow angels. We'll have lots of food and evenings will be spent together by the fire with wine conversation. I am really really looking forward to this trip.

Just another day at the office

This is how the conversation sounded;

My Boss- "Sandi, it has to be a fluid motion, no stopping. keep going until it feels stiff and then give it a tug"

Sandi- "I didn't stop but it still isn't getting stiff."

My Boss- " Then you're doing it wrong. Start again. Rotate it a bunch of times without stopping. When it gets close, it will start to stiffen up and then you'll know its time to tug"

Sandi- " How many times to the left?"

My Boss- " Damn Sandi just tug it hard and see what happens"

Sandi - " Stop pressuring me! I'm telling you no matter how fast I do it, I don't feel it getting stiff and I tugged it hard and nothing. It's a piece of shit that doesn't work, It's going to break!"

My Boss - " It's not a piece of shit Sandi, you just don't know how to work it. Its high quality and its not going to break. Do I need to do it for you"

Sandi- "No, you do not need to do it for me. I think I'm quite capable of tugging it. Maybe it's you thats got it wrong"

My Boss - "I tug it all the time and it works just fine"

Sandi- "Its not my job to know how it works. I'm doing you a favor remember?"

My Boss- "Some favor. You're going in the wrong direction, you can't get it stiff and you're obviously not tugging it right. Do I have to come?"

Sandi- " I don't want you to come. Let me just play with it for awhile"


Meanwhile, a small group of co-workers had gathered around my office door, listening to this banter and laughing. I turned around and then it hit me why they were laughing so hard. Here is what THEY saw...

I'm sitting on the floor in my office in front of the floor safe. One hand is on the phone talking to my boss who was home sick today and my other hand is turning the knobs on the safe, trying to get it open.

Enough

I had enough.

Two years of veiled, yet calculated blows whenever the opportunity presented itself.
Always, it was guised under the context of current conversation yet I began to realize that the defamatory comments actually had little or nothing to do with the topic at hand. I was being judged and I was being punished. Sometimes, I could actually sense his satisfaction as his fingers wrote such malicious words.
I wonder if it made him feel superior to crucify me over and over. Maybe he finally felt avenged for the crimes committed against him. Ironically, I wasn't even the perpetrator of the crime against him. I was his friend. I was a loyal and supportive friend in every way. I accepted his flaws, celebrated his victories and was always within reach if he needed a friend.

If you were so repulsed by my skeletons why were you my friend? It must have been incredibly challenging for you to befriend someone you obviously have such contempt for. You have my sympathies.

I'm sympathetic that you feel yourself to be morally and ethically superior to everyone.

I'm sympathetic that you feel yourself to be judge and jury to everyone

I'm sympathetic that you have no idea what unconditional friendship means

I'm sympathetic that you lost one friend that has never lied or deceived you in any way.

Now, I'm apethetic. Thanks for the life lesson

That pesky language barrier

Lets start with some history.

English is not my first language. It's tied for second. French being my first language and Turkish and English being second. The phrase "use it or lose it" is very accurate. I've lost almost all Turkish. While I am still verbally bilingual, I find myself struggling with french if I'm away from it too long. I don't speak french often. Usually its only when I call my grandmother (who doesn't speak english well) or at Maternal family gatherings. Most are Quebec seperatists who refuse to speak english even if they can.

Saturday evening we travelled to Montreal for a funeral. My great aunt passed away last week and although we weren't close, she was my Grandmothers sister and best friend. I felt that I should attend in respect for the family and in support of my grandmother. The wake/service was held in an enormous Catholic church/ moseleum and it was packed with people. At least 200 of my 'cousins' were in attendance and perhaps 5 spoke english. The service was easy as no one actually spoke to each other. Once the reception began, I got nervous. I had to speak french all evening with no real practice in months. Being a french funeral there was plenty of wine and cheese available and so indulged. I figured a couple glasses of wine would loosen my tongue and enable me to converse in french.

I had not seen some of my family in over 20 years so my grandmother introduced me
to them one by one. To each person she said " Elle et sa filles de Francine" meaning
She is the daughter of Francine ( My Mother) Because it had been so long, they looked confused so I would add..."La grosse filles de Francine" meaning the eldest daughter of Francine, figuring this way they wouldn't confuse me with my younger sister. When I said this, most looked at me oddly and I assumed this was because
they were surprised at how much older I was.

Later that evening, one of my Great uncles pulled me aside and in English asked what I was telling people. I told him " La grosse filles de Francine" He laughed, hugged me and said " It's la GRANDE filles de Francine" His reply made me laugh so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants right there in the middle of the reception.

I had spent the entire evening telling everyone that I was the fat daughter

Light Bulb Moments

I think we all have those moments when the porch light goes on and you sit back reflectively and conclude either A; I did it right and made a difference or B; ugh, I totally blew it.

I had one of those moments at 4 am today. After trick or treating with the girls last night, my eldest and I was cuddling on my bed chit chatting. I'm still amazed at how close we've grown over the last 6 months. It seems so unusual for a mom and teen daughter to be so intimate unless mom is foolishly trying to play the friend. I never ever play the friend which makes it even more bizarre. We got into the topic of twinkies and bullying at school. For all you not in the loop on current teenage slang, twinkies are teenage girls who are clones of Paris Hilton. They all look exactly the same, dress the same and act the same. My daughter and her gang are the nemesis of the twinkies. My daughters gang is more of the gothic/punk/emo group. I was forced to adjust to the 'transition'the day I came home and saw her giggling in the bathroom as she was shaving the back of her beautiful, long blonde hair right up to her scalp. These are good kids. I admire them for challenging societies stereotypes. They are all anti drugs, anti hollywood , anti cookie cutter beauty.
They all pay the price for their convictions however. The stories I hear are shocking. Everyday they are told they are wierd, freaks of nature. They are taunted and ridiculed and told they will never fit in. The leader of this Twinkie group actually suggested my daughter and her friends go into the bathroom and slit their wrists. I don't worry about my daughter or her friends however. They are tough as nails and they always fight back. They are a tight group that always has each others back and truly see the bigger picture.

Last night, she shared a concern with me. She told me about a boy at school who was getting teased mercilessly by the twinkies..boys and girls. Her greatest concern was that this boy had no one to watch his back. He was a loner who hung his head down while these bullies were emotionally raping him. It affected her in that she realized that her strength came in part by the support she had from her friends. What if she was alone like him? Would she be strong enough. It was late, so we called it a night and went to bed.

I woke up at 3 am in a cold sweat. I laid in bed for an hour thinking about this mystery boy. How is he feeling? What must it be like to go through such hell every single day. I really needed to talk to my daughter about what I was feeling so I crawled in bed beside her and gently woke her up. I appologised and said this was important and I needed time to talk to her before going to work. It couldn't wait
She woke up, we had some hot chocolate and I spoke...

I asked her to please connect with this boy on some level. She didn't have to be his best friend, she didn't have to take him home for dinner. All she needed to do was let him know that he's not alone. Share with him that she's been a victim too and survived. By reaching out, she could very well be saving this boys life. Sometimes, what we think is trivial can be life altering to someone else. As a human being we have a responsiblity to look after others and help them. Don't isolate him. I told her that she has strength and power. Use that power to help another human being. She hugged me for a long,long time and we were silent. The light bulb was shining brightly for both of us.