Light Bulb Moments
I think we all have those moments when the porch light goes on and you sit back reflectively and conclude either A; I did it right and made a difference or B; ugh, I totally blew it.
I had one of those moments at 4 am today. After trick or treating with the girls last night, my eldest and I was cuddling on my bed chit chatting. I'm still amazed at how close we've grown over the last 6 months. It seems so unusual for a mom and teen daughter to be so intimate unless mom is foolishly trying to play the friend. I never ever play the friend which makes it even more bizarre. We got into the topic of twinkies and bullying at school. For all you not in the loop on current teenage slang, twinkies are teenage girls who are clones of Paris Hilton. They all look exactly the same, dress the same and act the same. My daughter and her gang are the nemesis of the twinkies. My daughters gang is more of the gothic/punk/emo group. I was forced to adjust to the 'transition'the day I came home and saw her giggling in the bathroom as she was shaving the back of her beautiful, long blonde hair right up to her scalp. These are good kids. I admire them for challenging societies stereotypes. They are all anti drugs, anti hollywood , anti cookie cutter beauty.
They all pay the price for their convictions however. The stories I hear are shocking. Everyday they are told they are wierd, freaks of nature. They are taunted and ridiculed and told they will never fit in. The leader of this Twinkie group actually suggested my daughter and her friends go into the bathroom and slit their wrists. I don't worry about my daughter or her friends however. They are tough as nails and they always fight back. They are a tight group that always has each others back and truly see the bigger picture.
Last night, she shared a concern with me. She told me about a boy at school who was getting teased mercilessly by the twinkies..boys and girls. Her greatest concern was that this boy had no one to watch his back. He was a loner who hung his head down while these bullies were emotionally raping him. It affected her in that she realized that her strength came in part by the support she had from her friends. What if she was alone like him? Would she be strong enough. It was late, so we called it a night and went to bed.
I woke up at 3 am in a cold sweat. I laid in bed for an hour thinking about this mystery boy. How is he feeling? What must it be like to go through such hell every single day. I really needed to talk to my daughter about what I was feeling so I crawled in bed beside her and gently woke her up. I appologised and said this was important and I needed time to talk to her before going to work. It couldn't wait
She woke up, we had some hot chocolate and I spoke...
I asked her to please connect with this boy on some level. She didn't have to be his best friend, she didn't have to take him home for dinner. All she needed to do was let him know that he's not alone. Share with him that she's been a victim too and survived. By reaching out, she could very well be saving this boys life. Sometimes, what we think is trivial can be life altering to someone else. As a human being we have a responsiblity to look after others and help them. Don't isolate him. I told her that she has strength and power. Use that power to help another human being. She hugged me for a long,long time and we were silent. The light bulb was shining brightly for both of us.
I had one of those moments at 4 am today. After trick or treating with the girls last night, my eldest and I was cuddling on my bed chit chatting. I'm still amazed at how close we've grown over the last 6 months. It seems so unusual for a mom and teen daughter to be so intimate unless mom is foolishly trying to play the friend. I never ever play the friend which makes it even more bizarre. We got into the topic of twinkies and bullying at school. For all you not in the loop on current teenage slang, twinkies are teenage girls who are clones of Paris Hilton. They all look exactly the same, dress the same and act the same. My daughter and her gang are the nemesis of the twinkies. My daughters gang is more of the gothic/punk/emo group. I was forced to adjust to the 'transition'the day I came home and saw her giggling in the bathroom as she was shaving the back of her beautiful, long blonde hair right up to her scalp. These are good kids. I admire them for challenging societies stereotypes. They are all anti drugs, anti hollywood , anti cookie cutter beauty.
They all pay the price for their convictions however. The stories I hear are shocking. Everyday they are told they are wierd, freaks of nature. They are taunted and ridiculed and told they will never fit in. The leader of this Twinkie group actually suggested my daughter and her friends go into the bathroom and slit their wrists. I don't worry about my daughter or her friends however. They are tough as nails and they always fight back. They are a tight group that always has each others back and truly see the bigger picture.
Last night, she shared a concern with me. She told me about a boy at school who was getting teased mercilessly by the twinkies..boys and girls. Her greatest concern was that this boy had no one to watch his back. He was a loner who hung his head down while these bullies were emotionally raping him. It affected her in that she realized that her strength came in part by the support she had from her friends. What if she was alone like him? Would she be strong enough. It was late, so we called it a night and went to bed.
I woke up at 3 am in a cold sweat. I laid in bed for an hour thinking about this mystery boy. How is he feeling? What must it be like to go through such hell every single day. I really needed to talk to my daughter about what I was feeling so I crawled in bed beside her and gently woke her up. I appologised and said this was important and I needed time to talk to her before going to work. It couldn't wait
She woke up, we had some hot chocolate and I spoke...
I asked her to please connect with this boy on some level. She didn't have to be his best friend, she didn't have to take him home for dinner. All she needed to do was let him know that he's not alone. Share with him that she's been a victim too and survived. By reaching out, she could very well be saving this boys life. Sometimes, what we think is trivial can be life altering to someone else. As a human being we have a responsiblity to look after others and help them. Don't isolate him. I told her that she has strength and power. Use that power to help another human being. She hugged me for a long,long time and we were silent. The light bulb was shining brightly for both of us.
posted by Sandi at 7:52 AM
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