I haven’t been lazy in writing, really. It’s summertime and July is traditionally vacation month. We take all our trips; camping, family visiting etc in July as August is devoted to
Hockey training camps and back to school preparations. Lets re-cap July with some special Sandi observations tossed in for good measure.
Lets see, we’ve been camping 3 times and went to Flesherton Ontario for 5 days for a family reunion. Our last trip was especially memorable. We were camping up near Hawksbury. The day we arrived was so hot and humid. Even early evening was 30 plus humidex and by the time the tents were up and supper made we were all hot, drenched in sweat and grumpy from the heat. We all decided on an evening swim and it was wonderful. The five of us had the beach completely to ourselves at 9 pm at night. We splashed and played under the moonlight and it was incredibly refreshing. After, a big campfire and some cocoa and we all slept like a rock. I love those moments. I live for those moments. My life is multi dimensioned like so many people. I have a career I enjoy, passions that drive me, goals and dreams, yet those single moments in time truly define me. They give me purpose and a clear understanding of why I’m here. Its so simplistic. A moonlight swim with the family, yet so absolutely significant. I’m thankful that I have the knowledge and life experience to value those moments.
As August arrives, we go into hockey high gear. Drew is trying our for the A competitive team as goalie and to prepare her, we’ve put her in 3 consecutive weeks of training camp.
Today is day one or the first camp and she was up at 5:30 am, ready to go. I’ve never seen a child so passionate about a sport as Drew is with hockey. Sometimes, out of the blue she’ll make comments that make me laugh. “Mommy, where is Europe? I want to know because that’s where Team Canada plays a lot of their games and it would be nice to have a map while I’m there playing hockey.” Her goals are larger than life and I know she’ll achieve every one of them because that’s what Drew is. Everything that matters to her, she puts in 200%. Her drive is infectious and she makes other people look within themselves for their own passions.
I miss Jesse. She’s only been gone 5 days and my heart is already tugging for her. The road has been rough for her lately. That’s status quo for any 16 year old. As a parent, you are very empathetic to this crossroads they are at. On one level she strives fiercely to be independent. She wants to fly solo and experience the world, completely naive of any possible turbulence during this rocky flight. When that turbulence does occur, her first response is to grab onto the mommy life line. I find that she is very attached to me these days and I’m treasuring those times. We have always been very close. Having her so young and it being just the two of us for awhile certainly facilitated that closeness. It’s a struggle some days. I want to strangle her some days for the stupid choices she makes, yet when she comes to me looking for comfort I want to wrap her up tight in my arms. She makes poor choices I give her consequences for those choices and then it saddens me to watch her suffer the fallout. There have been a few occasions where I’ve laid with her in bed, held her tight and we’ve both cried from frustration in having to endure these consequences. This path to adulthood we’re on is exhausting for both of us and yet rarely is she angry at me when I give consequences for her actions. Its almost like she is aware
On some level that this is necessary for her evolution to adulthood. I love this kid, with everything I am.
And then there is Jaden. Oh, Jaden my baby. She is the baby of the family and she milks every second of it. Its almost like she senses my nostalgia and plays it up every chance she gets. She’ll crawl into my lap, nuzzle me and whisper in my ear. “I’m always going to be the baby you know” I worry about Jade, She doesn’t have the self confidence of Drew or the resilience of Jesse. Of all my daughters Jaden is the caretaker. She is always looking out for everyone else, the quintessential nurturer. She has no concept of selfishness and she is highly sensitive to others. This in itself places her at risk of hurt.
I’m always going to worry that someone will take advantage of her kindness and gentle nature. Then, I’m just going to have to kill them.
I went to a Wedding yesterday. First let me say that going solo to a Wedding SUCKS! Scott had to work and couldn’t replace the shift so I was stuck going to this Wedding alone. Weddings are so very romantic and sitting there watching couples get snugly while you’re counting the number of low vs high back garden chairs just screams loser.
I did however manage to entertain myself. In the best interest of me, I’ll not use any real names during my little story. I know both Huey and Dewy as business associates. They are in their late 30’s/ early 40’s, playboys by definition who are always looking for their next dollar and next piece of ass. Both have bulging wallets and bulging arrogance and both make we want to slit my wrists and dive head first, naked into a vat of battery acid.
They ooze pretension and phoniness and any conversation past the generic “ Nice weather/tie/car/dog is a challenge for me. Because God always loves a good joke, they were the only people I knew ( short of the bride, groom and chef) at this wedding and we were sat together during the ceremony and dinner. I had the distinct pleasure ( cough) of meeting and spending time with their dates; lets call them Paris and Lindsay. For the first 45 minutes this twosome discussed nothing but vomit. Sorry, Vomit AND Vodka.
Every now and again, you’d get the obligatory giggle or hair toss, but for the majority of that agonizing 45 minutes it was vomit and only vomit. How much vodka they drink, how they hurled in the bar, in the car, on the road, in the bathroom, in the bushes. The conversation paused only long enough for them to use the restroom, reapply the clown makeup, undo yet another cleavage baring button and brainstorm for more vomit stories.
The next 2 hours were more of the same. One vacuous topic after another. Paris would pause now and again to play tongue hockey with Huey and I observed that Huey had the remarkable ability to reduce brain function by 75% on demand. I saw him in a totally different light that night, an especially DIM light. I ended up leaving quite early as I had to pick my girls up and didn’t think I’d be able to stomach dinner anyway. On the ride home, I pondered the situation and came to my own conclusions. People always ask, why do these types of middle aged men choose these bobbleheads ½ their age. I’ve concluded that it’s not really a choice at all, but rather supply and demand. They don’t choose these girls, they are actually chosen by these girls. I can guarantee that any intelligent, self confident woman would have absolutely no use for Huey and Dewy aka Mr Metrosexual walking wallets. There is no sustenance, no moral fiber, no consciousness outside their own immediate needs for gratification. Who would be attracted to that beside Paris and Lindsay who need only a flash of the wallet to achieve multiple orgasm and a simultaneous reduction of brain neurons. I don’t blame the Paris and Lindsays of the world. In a world where a woman still makes more money on her back than she does sitting in an executive chair, Its no wonder we are reduced to this. Wake up ladies! We are more than our tits and pedicured toes.
I need a sandwich.
