I Forgot To Breathe

for exactly 330 days, but really... who's counting.

Time and time again I'd start a blog post and then would feel completely overwhelmed. There has been so much change and I didn't know where to begin so I'd give up. Lately I've realized that I miss blogging. Beyond sharing my life with the few faithful readers I had, writing has always been a purging process for me. There was always such clarity when I'd return to read. My writing has always been brain directly to keyboard; an uninterrupted synopse. I dont censor my emotions here. Quite possibly the only place on earth I dont need to censor myself. This is what has drawn me back. Please be patient. I have to get my feet wet once more and I need to strip down the walls. It'll become familiar and comforting once again soon. For now, I'll leave you with a photo. My latest Tattoo, done 3 weeks ago. It speaks volumes of where I am in my life right now.

"Rage Against The Dying Of The Light"

Dylan Thomas meant it quite literally. "Do not go quietly into the night; rage against the dying of the light..." Fight to live was his message intended.

It has a much more spiritual meaning to me. The light represents passion, the desire to experience everything life offers us. It's about opening yourself wide, being vulnerable to yourself and to others. Absolute absorption. I've lost some of the depth. I want it back. I want me back. I'm claiming her .

It wouldnt be an authentic Sandi post without a cryptic message or two

* I know you've called a couple times at home. Truth is, I was standing right there, staring at the phone and I didn't pick it up. Why? Good question. I read the Facebook updates. You're settled, you're happy. So I dont pick up the phone. It's been my turn to watch you quietly behind the scenes this past year.

* This last year I've seen a depth to you that I never knew existed. I am SO in awe of the selfless choices you have made. Your sister needed you and you were there. Every single day you're there. We've recently been reconnecting and I'm thankful for that. I think there is a special place for us. Wherever it is, you're worth the effort to find it.