Just for you Becka...
The Christmas Tree.
It was a cold and snowy night ...
What??
Oh, you mean THAT Christmas tree story!
I was a Freshman at Carleton University, trying to find my niche. I never actually had a niche before so I figured I had better dig a hole and bury my antisocial, detached personality, at least for the next 5 years .
I met a group of women ( who would later completely fuck me over, but thats another story)
that befriended me almost immediately. They were a strong, loud, proactive femenist group and I thought what the hell. I hate people and they hate people and so I measured an approximate 50% success in compatability. One Friday afternoon, we were a bored group looking for trouble. Someone mentioned a contest in which we would walk into a certain department store ( lets call it Zellers) and steal the largst item we could . The loser had to fork over $10 to the pot which would purchase beer for the winner to take to an upcoming Party at the University.
* Note to reader. We were a socially conscience group and actually intended to donate our "stolen" goods to charity.
I was third in. I was pumped. When I go , I go big.
Girl number one comes out with a huge box of pots and pans. Impressive!
Girl number two emerges with a large suitcase on wheels. Wow! Everyone was certain the crown would be hers.
I walked into Zellers, scanned the store quickly...and there she was...whispering my name
Her shimmer resonated through the store
Her stature enormous and inpenetrable
I had to possess her
Own her
Defeat her.
She was a 6 foot artifical , partially decorated Christmas tree.
I circled her hungrily, checked for wires plugged in ( there were none) Threw her over my shoulder and walked out.
I know what you're thinking
They didn't stop me at first. How would even think of stealing a 6 foot tree. They couldn't even entertain the idea, so they smiles, wished me Merry Christmas and I walked to the door.
I almost made it. I was sooo close. Then I saw the girls, hidden behind a pillar in the mall, laughing and pointing. I held it in as long as I could and then I lost it. I started laughing uncontrolably, the christmas tree flug over my shoulder starts shaking, I'm drawing alot of attention and I just can't stop laughing. I'm paralysed. I can't keep walking. I'm standing there, not 10 feet from the exit and I'm just laughing with tears running down my cheek. Finally I make my way to the door and then...
He taps me on the shoulder, I turn around. It's some kid that looks no more than 16 in a security suit. I'm tempted to laugh even more but there is a tiny spot in my brain that registers that this may not be so funny anymore.
To make a long store short because I have a hockey game to be at at, I was formally charged, I had to get a lawyer, I had to go to court, I was found guilty of theft, I was given a 1 year conditional discharge which wasn't supposed to show up on my record but it did and 5 years later I had to get a legal Pardon in order to obtain my security clearance for work.
I digress a moment. Those girls would later turn their backs on me when I got pregnant with Jesse and made the decison to leave school awhile to play mommy. They decided that was degrading to me and I was giving up my power even if it was I who made that choice. I felt that THEY degraded me for not accepting a choice that was 100% my own. Almost as though a womans choice wasn't valid and must have been somehow influanced by a man.
Love you Becka. Dinner and Shopping before the 14th is an absolute. I didn't finish everything in NY
It was a cold and snowy night ...
What??
Oh, you mean THAT Christmas tree story!
I was a Freshman at Carleton University, trying to find my niche. I never actually had a niche before so I figured I had better dig a hole and bury my antisocial, detached personality, at least for the next 5 years .
I met a group of women ( who would later completely fuck me over, but thats another story)
that befriended me almost immediately. They were a strong, loud, proactive femenist group and I thought what the hell. I hate people and they hate people and so I measured an approximate 50% success in compatability. One Friday afternoon, we were a bored group looking for trouble. Someone mentioned a contest in which we would walk into a certain department store ( lets call it Zellers) and steal the largst item we could . The loser had to fork over $10 to the pot which would purchase beer for the winner to take to an upcoming Party at the University.
* Note to reader. We were a socially conscience group and actually intended to donate our "stolen" goods to charity.
I was third in. I was pumped. When I go , I go big.
Girl number one comes out with a huge box of pots and pans. Impressive!
Girl number two emerges with a large suitcase on wheels. Wow! Everyone was certain the crown would be hers.
I walked into Zellers, scanned the store quickly...and there she was...whispering my name
Her shimmer resonated through the store
Her stature enormous and inpenetrable
I had to possess her
Own her
Defeat her.
She was a 6 foot artifical , partially decorated Christmas tree.
I circled her hungrily, checked for wires plugged in ( there were none) Threw her over my shoulder and walked out.
I know what you're thinking
They didn't stop me at first. How would even think of stealing a 6 foot tree. They couldn't even entertain the idea, so they smiles, wished me Merry Christmas and I walked to the door.
I almost made it. I was sooo close. Then I saw the girls, hidden behind a pillar in the mall, laughing and pointing. I held it in as long as I could and then I lost it. I started laughing uncontrolably, the christmas tree flug over my shoulder starts shaking, I'm drawing alot of attention and I just can't stop laughing. I'm paralysed. I can't keep walking. I'm standing there, not 10 feet from the exit and I'm just laughing with tears running down my cheek. Finally I make my way to the door and then...
He taps me on the shoulder, I turn around. It's some kid that looks no more than 16 in a security suit. I'm tempted to laugh even more but there is a tiny spot in my brain that registers that this may not be so funny anymore.
To make a long store short because I have a hockey game to be at at, I was formally charged, I had to get a lawyer, I had to go to court, I was found guilty of theft, I was given a 1 year conditional discharge which wasn't supposed to show up on my record but it did and 5 years later I had to get a legal Pardon in order to obtain my security clearance for work.
I digress a moment. Those girls would later turn their backs on me when I got pregnant with Jesse and made the decison to leave school awhile to play mommy. They decided that was degrading to me and I was giving up my power even if it was I who made that choice. I felt that THEY degraded me for not accepting a choice that was 100% my own. Almost as though a womans choice wasn't valid and must have been somehow influanced by a man.
Love you Becka. Dinner and Shopping before the 14th is an absolute. I didn't finish everything in NY
posted by Sandi at 8:47 AM
3 Comments:
ok so..
you FINALLY put in a part that I didn't know about..
YOU NEVER MENTIONED THE PARDON!
xoxoxoxo
ps.
wasn't there another tree story involving one being tossed over a fence?
-arches a brow-
tossed over a fence? hummmm
I seem to remember some sort of story with you and a tree farm...
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