A note left on the fence post

I wasn't going to write yet. I've stopped and started more than a few times but remarkably, the words just don't come. No, thats not exactly true. The words do come.. they just come all jumbled in floods. I can't articulate properly these days and so I don't. I was inspired today though. A quote from one of my favourite people.

" I don't feel like I'm a human having a spiritual experience; I feel like a spiritual being having a human experience. Its not something I'm choosing. It's choosing me. "

At this time, I'm grieving the temporary loss of my 17 year daughter who has decided that she needs to experince the world on her own. My heart is broken. It actually physically hurts which I never knew was possible . She has always been the beautiful bird that flew away from the flock. I cry every single night for her

At this time I'm also experiencing the death process as I help my dying grandmother let go of this life and transition to the next. She's 91, bedridden, blind with the start of dementia.
She's 10 minutes away from me and I'm with her every day. We're sharing this beautiful space for which I am eternally thankful. The lessons I'm learning right now are life altering. The experience has penetrated me deeply. I cry every single night for her too

I'm struggling with depression. Deep depression. Its okay. I'm moving to the next level and this growth is essential . I'm protected though, both in spirit and in the close circle around me

and this is why I can't write right now.

I will again. I promise.