This is what 36 years old looks like...

36 Years Old
432 Months
13,140 Days
315,360 Hours

There was a time when 36 sounded so old. Then again, that was back before I lost all my baby teeth. Now that I'm here, its not so old afterall. Its less than half of the typical life expectancy for women. I'm almost at the halfway mark so surely there needs to be some sort of reflection by now.This is what I've come up with.

A little humour, a little serious and alot honest.

This is what I've learned...

1. Its tragic to discover Santa isn't real. We spend our adult lives seeking that similar magic to no avail.

2. When ice cream goes on a big sale, don't buy it. The grocers need to move it fast because it melted in the warehouse and your beloved french vanilla bean is now crystallized crap.

3. Gods cruel joke... Laugh lines.

4. Your heart can swell up to 5 times its regular size when your daughter has her first shut out as goalie.

5. That same heart can crush into a million pieces when your daughter tells you she wishes she was adopted because you wouldn't let her go to that party.

6. Fruit Loops taste just as good now as they did when I was 5.

7. There is an acceptance that comes with aging. Your own skin actually starts to feel pretty comfortable.

8. Want to feel really old? Go to 80's dance night.

9. There is nothing more endearing than watching a man braid his daughters hair.

10. It not a stereotype; mechanics do try screwing women over

11. I do not want to eat genetically altered anything. I do not like it Sam I Am

12. Death sans dignity is probable. 60% of elderly people die on the toilet. One way or another you're gonna get caught with your pants around your ankles.

13. Roll down your window when crossing any body of water. If your car sinks, an open window is the only way you're getting out.

14. Never ever twitch when getting your eyebrows waxed. It takes 2 weeks to stop looking like BoBo the clown.

15. Women are selfless, nurturing and intuitive. Men aren't.

16. Cosmetic testers at drugstores have more bacteria than a garage toilet seat.

17. The Government doesn't really want you to quit smoking. Its too expensive for them if you live to be 80 . Stop subsidizing tobacco companies and taxing cancer sticks if you really want to convince us.

18. Spirituality leads us closer to God. Religion leads us closer to war.

19. Global warming.. or the end of the ice age. You decide

20. How can hazelnut chocolate spread on toast be nutritious as the commercial says?

21. If a man lets you nap and actually removes the children from the home while you nap, keep him. He's gold.

22. Listen carefully to the stories told by the elderly. They are very much relevant to today and they fast track you on the road to knowledge.

23. I think I'm the only one not on anti depressants. Am I missing the party?

24. I don't care how much you like them; raisins are rotten grapes and you won't convince me otherwise.

25. Cocoa butter does not fade stretch marks.

26. Its illegal to try and sell a mouthy teenager for 2 goats and a bag of magic beans

27. Every day I strive not to be like my mother.

28. Soap and corn bread shall always remain comfort food.

29. I actually like my ass.

30. I'm going to look hilarious as an old lady with all these tattoos.

31. Orgasm ends all the worlds problems, for about 7 seconds

32. Fat Free Cool whip is brilliant

33. I can claim my dog ( her vet bills, food etc) as a security system if I work at home.

34. Don't get all excited if you can wear a size zero. With vanity sizing, that size zero is actually a size six.

35. I love very very deeply. Its painful at times, but I'd never trade that intensity for anything

36. I missed out on having a close girlfriend. One of the very few regrets I have

37. I need more sleep as I get older. That sucks

38. My metabolism is slowing down. That sucks even more

39. Do not miss one single moment on the ride of life. It goes by fast and the scenery is gorgeous.

40. Happy Birthday . 36 is a good year