Bystander Disease
Something happened last night that affected me profoudly and it was suggested I blog about it . I'm writing in hopes it will purge the disapointment I feel in myself and also to solidify my commitment to never allow it to happen again.
I was running errands after work and one of my stops was at the bank. It was one of those handy drive through bank machines. I was doing my business when I hear this scream. It was shrilling and it cut me to the bone. I could tell instantly it was a childs scream. It was coming from in front of me so I drove around the corner and that when I saw it.
There was a woman and a boy of perhaps 8-10 walking/struggling in the parking lot. This woman was beating on the kid. She was slapping him and pushing him and tugging his hair.
With her free arm, she had one of his arms pinned behind his back. The child was screaming
Please stop, it hurts, please stop. I watched from a distance for a second or two and then pulled up the car right beside them. My original thinking was perhaps if she saw me, she would realize she was being watched and she would stop beating on this poor kid. Didn't happen. They proceeded to walk right by me, the boy still screaming and struggling but not before he caught my eye and screamed, help me! help me!
A million thoughts were going through my mind. Absolute rage at this woman, saddness at the plight of this poor little boy. My head was swirling with a million possibilities. Maybe he has behavior issues and she was restraining him, maybe these outbursts are a common occurance...maybe maybe maybe. As I was processing these thoughts they kept on moving behind me, past the car. And then I did the unthinkable.
I drove away.
I drove away to the next parking lot, parked the car, sat there and cried. I cried because I was a coward, because I was irresponsible, because worst of all, I was a bystander and I did nothing to stop the situation. I came up with a million excuses why I shouldn't get involved and thats exactly what they were. Excuses..and none of them valid.
I feel like I let this child down. He cried out for help and for whatever reason, I chose not to get involved. I spent most of last evening trying to understand why I hesitated. I was afraid to be wrong. I was afraid that what I was seeing wasn't really what I thought it was and I was sticking my nose into someones business. Isn't that how perpetrators get away with abuse for so long?
People see it, people condemn it, but nobody stops it.
I wish I could rewind the tape. I wish I could go back to the situation because I would have handled it very differently. I don't think I would have entered a tug of war with this woman, yanking what I presume was her son away from her. Scott warned me of that. I could have ended up charged with not only assault, but attempted kidnapping if the woman decided to tell police I was taking her child. I should have called 9/11 from my cell phone. I should have followed them. I should have led the police to them. I could have stopped it that way. If I had been wrong, so what? How would I have suffered? Humiliation? Big deal. I would have rather done something and been wrong than do nothing at all. I won't make that mistake again
Something else that really bothered me was the age of this child. Anyone who knows me knows I am dead set against violence towards children. I'm not looking for a debate here, but its my opinion that no adult has the right to hit a child, even if they pathetically guise it discipline. In the real world. it is unnacceptable ( and illegal) to hit anyone. You can be charged if you smack your co-workers, friends, strangers , parents and spouse. Why is it permissable to smack a child? Why are they less important? Why do the basic rights and dignities of a child cease simply because they are born to parents who advocate corporal punishment? I degress..
This child was older. I would guess 8, 9 or 10. He's on the doorstep of puberty , where the blueprints for sexuality, relations with females and personal identity are created. Whats going to happen to this boy? How is he going to process this abuse from his mother? Will he be an abuser himself? Will he hate woman and spend his life harming them to gain control he never had as a child. Worse, will he punish women for the evil sins of his trailer trash pig mother?
My heart breaks for this boy. I learned a few valuable lessons last night. I learned that it is unacceptable to be a bystander. We have a right and responsibility as human beings to protect each other, especially those most vulnerable. I learned that my own children are so blessed to be able to live in a home without violence and fear. Where they are loved and cherished and it is understood and coveted that they are gifts from God. I learned that my needs and my fears MUST come second in this type of scenario.
I learned, I really learned
I was running errands after work and one of my stops was at the bank. It was one of those handy drive through bank machines. I was doing my business when I hear this scream. It was shrilling and it cut me to the bone. I could tell instantly it was a childs scream. It was coming from in front of me so I drove around the corner and that when I saw it.
There was a woman and a boy of perhaps 8-10 walking/struggling in the parking lot. This woman was beating on the kid. She was slapping him and pushing him and tugging his hair.
With her free arm, she had one of his arms pinned behind his back. The child was screaming
Please stop, it hurts, please stop. I watched from a distance for a second or two and then pulled up the car right beside them. My original thinking was perhaps if she saw me, she would realize she was being watched and she would stop beating on this poor kid. Didn't happen. They proceeded to walk right by me, the boy still screaming and struggling but not before he caught my eye and screamed, help me! help me!
A million thoughts were going through my mind. Absolute rage at this woman, saddness at the plight of this poor little boy. My head was swirling with a million possibilities. Maybe he has behavior issues and she was restraining him, maybe these outbursts are a common occurance...maybe maybe maybe. As I was processing these thoughts they kept on moving behind me, past the car. And then I did the unthinkable.
I drove away.
I drove away to the next parking lot, parked the car, sat there and cried. I cried because I was a coward, because I was irresponsible, because worst of all, I was a bystander and I did nothing to stop the situation. I came up with a million excuses why I shouldn't get involved and thats exactly what they were. Excuses..and none of them valid.
I feel like I let this child down. He cried out for help and for whatever reason, I chose not to get involved. I spent most of last evening trying to understand why I hesitated. I was afraid to be wrong. I was afraid that what I was seeing wasn't really what I thought it was and I was sticking my nose into someones business. Isn't that how perpetrators get away with abuse for so long?
People see it, people condemn it, but nobody stops it.
I wish I could rewind the tape. I wish I could go back to the situation because I would have handled it very differently. I don't think I would have entered a tug of war with this woman, yanking what I presume was her son away from her. Scott warned me of that. I could have ended up charged with not only assault, but attempted kidnapping if the woman decided to tell police I was taking her child. I should have called 9/11 from my cell phone. I should have followed them. I should have led the police to them. I could have stopped it that way. If I had been wrong, so what? How would I have suffered? Humiliation? Big deal. I would have rather done something and been wrong than do nothing at all. I won't make that mistake again
Something else that really bothered me was the age of this child. Anyone who knows me knows I am dead set against violence towards children. I'm not looking for a debate here, but its my opinion that no adult has the right to hit a child, even if they pathetically guise it discipline. In the real world. it is unnacceptable ( and illegal) to hit anyone. You can be charged if you smack your co-workers, friends, strangers , parents and spouse. Why is it permissable to smack a child? Why are they less important? Why do the basic rights and dignities of a child cease simply because they are born to parents who advocate corporal punishment? I degress..
This child was older. I would guess 8, 9 or 10. He's on the doorstep of puberty , where the blueprints for sexuality, relations with females and personal identity are created. Whats going to happen to this boy? How is he going to process this abuse from his mother? Will he be an abuser himself? Will he hate woman and spend his life harming them to gain control he never had as a child. Worse, will he punish women for the evil sins of his trailer trash pig mother?
My heart breaks for this boy. I learned a few valuable lessons last night. I learned that it is unacceptable to be a bystander. We have a right and responsibility as human beings to protect each other, especially those most vulnerable. I learned that my own children are so blessed to be able to live in a home without violence and fear. Where they are loved and cherished and it is understood and coveted that they are gifts from God. I learned that my needs and my fears MUST come second in this type of scenario.
I learned, I really learned
posted by Sandi at 8:48 AM
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